Nakautot ka na?

Location: Perpetual Hospital, Las Pinas
Current Mood: Still drowsy (and a bit gassy)

Pam was rolled in this morning from the recovery room. First thing I noticed (aside about her catheter) was how small her tummy was. Honestly, I don't remember the last time i saw her that "slim". Note that it was only last year that we gave birth to our panganay Julia, making it a two year-long pregnancy. I think this was a record of sorts, adding the fact that we have 3 babies in 2 years(Maybe I should check the Guiness Book of World Records). I asked her how she was, and she gave me a nasty stare (I have a 6-inch incision in my belly, and you're asking me if I'm OK?).

Well she was up and about that same day-- brave girl I married! I think if men were the ones giving birth, I would have chosen celibacy (Tule nga lang nanginginig na ako sa takot, panganganak pa!). Her doctor insisted that she try to move around as much as she can para mautot na sya. An hour later a nurse came in with her meds, and asked non-challantly if nauutot na sya. That evening the care giver who came in to change her napkins (mental note: no sweet & sour pork for dinner) also asked if na-utot na sya. She then asked if she was nautot na. Even the nice hospital janitress joined the fray and asked:

Nautot na po kayo?

Maybe you're asking: What's with this fart fetish? Why was the entire hospital staff suddenly obsessed with Pam's fart? Did it turn sweet after the c-section?(Mam, utot mo ang bango.. at kulay orange!).

Well as funny or repulsive as it sounds, doctors do look forward to seeing (or hearing) their patients break gas after an operation. As explained to me by my nephrology doctor after my kidney donation, passing gas is a good sign that indicates your digestive system is working normally after a major operation.

Well apparently Pam was well enough the next day to say (and proudly at that!)"Oo, nautot na ako".



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Some fart facts
- Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
- On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
- The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
- A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
- Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.
- Termites are the largest producers of farts.
- Farts are flammable.
- The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
- Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
- More but utterly useless (but funny) fart facts at http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

You can also make music with the Farting Nun Organ

Yipeee! (The twins are out!)

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Date: March 24
Time: 5AM
Location: Perpetual Hospital, Las Pinas
Current Mood: Drowsy but ecstatic
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Yahoo! Yipee! Yadda-yadda-yadda! U-ki-ni-na-nat-tuyen! (Sorry, baka may Pangalatok dito,hehehe)

Attention: The twins are out! The twins are out! The twins are out! Yes, I'm a father all over again.



First to come was "Alexa" (Code name: "Baby Rola A"). I wanted to name her after another famous Hollywood movie star (After naming our panganay "Julia" ala Julia Roberts). Pam however put her foot down a week ago and said she wanted "Alexa" for no apparent reason other than it sounded "sossy" (Eh gusto ko eh!). To all unmarried men out there, never, never argue with a woman with a bowling ball under her skirt-- it's too painful, hahaha. "Alexa Sophia" btw weighed in at 5.4 pounds.



Next up was "Audrey" (Code name: "Baby Rola B"). Fortunately after the Alexa incident, Pam was compassionate enough to allow me to name the second one, and Audrey was my choice (for Audrey Hepburn.. oh deh-ba!). I wanted to add a second name "Nike" after the greek goddess of victory, kaso Pam said I should stop while I'm ahead ("You're enjoying too much freedom Tuny, down boy"). Audrey Isabella weighed in at 4.12 pounds.



That's Julia above visiting mommy and the twins.

So we have Julia (Roberts), Audrey (Hepburn) and Alexa (The Great? De Rossi? Hehe)... Sorry Pam, couldn't help it.

Oh yeah bebeh, things can only get better in my fishbowl.

Story of the day: Ang Catheter.

[Inaalay ko ang istoryang ito sa milyon-milyong mga lalaki sa mundo, mahirap man o mayaman, na dumaan sa hirap at kahihiyan dulot ng isa sa pinaka-malupit na instrumento sa larangan ng medicina, ang urinary catheter.]

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Na-ospital ako noon, kidney operation (opo, isa na lang po ang kidney ko, binigay ko sa Daddy+ ko ang isa). Pagkatapos kong magkamalay, ang una kong napansin, bukod sa malaki kong tahi(9 inches) sa tagiliran, ay isang manipis na tubo na naka-pasok kay junior.

Tuny: "Syetttt!! saan galing ito???(AT ang mas importante, sino at paano niya naikabit ito???)

Hindi ko alam kung sino nagkabit (Chicks na doctor kaya? Dyahe, punong puno pa naman ako nun ng anesthesia) at hindi ko na rin inalam kung paano ito naikakabit (at ayaw ko na rin isipin kung paano). Iniisip ko na lang na isa itong misteryong katulad ng alien abduction (Sigurado ako pag mahaba-haba ang operasyon mo at pinatulog ka, pag gising mo meron nang nakatusok sayong straw sa ayaw mo man o gusto-- enter twilight zone theme).

Ang sasagutin ko na lang ay kung saan ito nanggaling.

Ang catheter(or in this case, ang urinary catheter) ay ginagamit sa mga pasyente na walang kakayahan na bumangon at pumunta sa palikuran upang mag-dyingle/jingle. Sa Wikipedia, it is defined as "a tube that can be inserted into a body cavity duct or vessel, allowing drainage or injection of fluids or access by surgical instruments."

Ayon din sa Wikipedia, ito ay isang sinaunang imbensyon, kasing tanda ng mga Pyramids of Giza. "The ancient Egyptians are reported to have fashioned catheters from papyrus, and the ancient Greeks from reeds." [Mga hayop! Mga aso! Mga pusa! Mga manok! Sadista kayo!]. Pasalamat na lang tayo kay B. Franklin, ang sikat na amerikanong imbentor na naka-gawa din ng lightning rod, odometer at daylight saving time, dahil siya rin ang naka-isip ng flexible urinary catheter (Nainspire kaya siya after gawin ang lighting rod?

Anyway, mabalik sa istorya ko, okay din naman ang Catheter. Medyo maski nakaka-ngilo sa umpisa, it has its advantages. Sa tulad ko noon na hirap bumangon, pag naiihi ka, wiwi lang at diretso na ito sa isang urinal bag na-nakakabit sa ilalim ng kama. Pag nagbabasa ng libro at naiihi, wiwi lang. Pag kumakain at naiihi, wiwi lang. Pag may kausap sa telepono at naiihi, wiwi lang (wag lang kikiligin ang boses mo at mahahalata ka). Para kang hari ba (Kako nga e "Hey, I can get used to this!Hehe.").

Pero as in all things good, it must come to an end. Nung palabas na ako after two weeks, dumating si doc para tanggalin ang catheter(kundi hindi daw e uuwi ako na parang unggoy). Pinaupo niya ako gilid ng kama at pinalislis ang aking gown (help, rape! ;) ).


Doc: Okay iho, at the count of 3, inhale...

Tuny: Sure doc


Medyo kinakabahan ako. Aparently isasabay ni Doc ang paginhale ko sa paghila niya sa Catheter-- para siguro hindi ako makasigaw. Humawak na rin ako sa bakal na headrest, baka kasi ma-right hook ko sya e. Ang nanay ko naman ay nasa isang sulok, ngingiwi-ngiwi sa takot at tawa.


Tuny: Doc?

Doc: Yes?

Tuny: Kasabay po ba ng pagsabi mo ng "3", hihilahin nyo na, or pagkatapos mo sabihin ang "3", saka mo hihilahin?(Bale 1-4 na pala yun)


Natawa si Doc-- ano kayang nakakatawa dun???


Doc: Okay, pagsabi ko ng 3 saka ko hihilahin. Okay, ready?

Tuny: Ready po (Lunok, asan na ba yung butiki sa kisame na kahapon ko pa nakikita...)

Doc: 1.. 2..3, inha...



Bigla ba namang pumasok si Doctor/professor na kasama ang isang batalyon na nursing students. Kulang na lang ang sumigaw sila ng sabay-sabay "Surprise!". Napatingin kami ni Doc at mommy na nakanganga. Huli si doc ay nakayuko sa harap ko, hawak ang catheter na naka-kabit pa sa anu ko. Ang Mommy ko na ang tanging nasabi ay "Ano pu yun??".

"Ohmygod, sorry... sorry-sorry-po!!!" ang tanging nasabi ni doctor/professor, sabay atras at sarado ng pinto. Nakita ko pang ang lima-o-anim na mukha na humahabol ng tingin.


Doc: Sorry, ha. Okay, nasan na ba tayo? 1... 2....


^$#@!*&%

******

Also see Ella's experience in her blog "Oy, bawal magkasakit!".

Show her you love her

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I ran my first (and only) traithlon in 2005 at the Extri sa Balai in Laiya, Batangas. I was so inspired that I wrote this poem. Then it sounded great, but reading it back it feels to cheesy to post, but what da heck, hahaha.
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Take her out for a late night run... and after a few miles, go home together and give her a bath... if possible, take one together...

And before you go to bed, tuck her comfortably by your side and sleep and dream of marathons, duathlons and triathlons, both of you finishing side-by-side...

Lastly, reassure her that, although new and sexier ones arrive (by ship, plane or freight, from Bangkok, Korea, China or Japan), that you won't replace her. The miles you've spent together on (and off road) have molded you both and made your relationship a perfect..... fit.

I love my running shoes.

Happy Valentines everyone ;)

Horror Story: The Presence

I swear this is a true story.

***
Alas-tres ng umaga, bilog ang buwan. In my bedroom.

Supposedly "alone".

I couldn't remember exactly what it was, but I was in deep slumber, tired from the previous week's events, which at that time was a blur to me.

Suddenly.

I was awakened from my deep sleep. It was as if something had just moved across the other side of my bed. I opened my eyes, but did not look.

I remember almost a year ago having a similar experience. I felt something, or someone heavy, sat beside me on my bed while I was sleeping(or in my sleep?), almost causing me to fall on to the floor. I looked, but nobody was there.

I've heard ghost stories like this from my friends, of long gone friends and family visiting them in their sleep. Sometimes even physically interacting with them.

I quickly thought "Dinadalaw kaya ako ng Tatay(+) ko? Or my Aunty(+) whom I've dreamed of once, wanting to pick me up?"

And on that most recent event, was it happening again? Was it... or were they back (ngiiiiiii!!!)

Minutes passed, and then there was nothing. Somehow I felt that, like before, whatever it was, "the presence", was gone.... or so I thought.

I closed my eyes again and tried to drift myself back to sleep. And as I was about to loose consciousness, another movement rocked me back to my senses, but this time it was as if someone had jumped on my bed (Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!).

Startled, I immediately turned my head. And what I saw was something.. no someone... that I would never ever forget till the day I die.

It was a slender pale figure laying beside me in fetal position, back facing me. I could tell it was a woman from the shape of her long white legs and shoulders, barely covered by a white night gown.

A mixture of shock and raw fear caused me to jerk back to my side of bed. I felt my hair stand, my spine tingle, my eyes pop, and my head explode.

Sino siya? Or more importantly, ano sya??

With my head still spinning from the sudden gush of adrenalin, I gathered myself and whispered to "the presence":

Tuny: "Sino ka?"

[She did not move]

Tuny: "Anong ginagawa mo sa kama ko?

[She, must have noticed that I was now fully conscious of her. It shivered, and slightly lifted her head. And in the most eeary way, she slowly, slowly looked at me from the sides of her right eye and said.]



Presence: "T_n-t_n. Get used to it, pwede ba matulog ka na?"








Did I ever mention in this blog that I'm married? ;)


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Actual events happened (though less exaggerated, haha) a week after I was wed to P_m, now my beautiful wife. We had our wedding on a chapel on top of a hill in Batangas.

Click: Beba in a glass

As a kid I was always amazed whenever my Mom and Dad(+) came home from parties, with pictures of them as Time: Man of the Year, or as Calendar Models, or them in a wine glass. "Ang laking baso naman nun", "Wow, parents ko sikat!" said an 8-year-old Tuny.

This is my own version of that wine glass photo, with my cousin's baby Beba as my model.

So 80's, hehehe.

Manghuhula

Nagpahula dati ang Mommy at Daddy(+) ko, specifically about their children.

"Naku, ate, ang suwerte mo naman, ang dalawa mong anak na babae ay yayaman, pero yun nga lang, yung isang anak mong lalaki, hindi"--- ???!!!??? Waddaheck??? Ano ito, feminist na na manghuhula?

Mula noon sinumpa ko na ang lahat ng manghuhula. (Then again fast-forward 10 years today, mayaman na ate ko, bunso naman mas malaki suweldo kasya sakin nung k-age ko sya--bwisit na mga call center---ako hindi... Anak ng... tama yata ang hula ah ;))